After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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