stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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