hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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