Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
