My liver just broke up with me...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
