Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
