Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
