the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
