We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
