my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
