i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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