Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
