Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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