He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
