When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize