I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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