I look better un-naked...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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