His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
