My room smells like vodka and shame
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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