Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
