false alarm. still invincible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
