I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Randomize
