i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
