Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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