4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
