I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
