can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
