honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
