if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
