I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
