I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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