I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
