you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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