How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
