I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
