Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pants are for mortals
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
