There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
