I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
