you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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