You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize