If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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