She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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