Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
