i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
