I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
