There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do herpes really smell.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
