I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
