Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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