Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
