Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
