I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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