my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
