from now on my penis is your penis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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