I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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