I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
