He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
