He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dignity is for republicans.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
