matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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