Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
