We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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