Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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