last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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