Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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