I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
