Im at strip club and am horny
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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