True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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