under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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