Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
