that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
